reading...

is really exciting me at the moment.

I read Donna Tartt's "The Little Friend" over Christmas and I was bereft when I finished it - I eked out the last few pages as I did not want it to end. The atmosphere totally captivated me - it is one of the best books I have ever read. I seem to have a thing for books written from a young girl's viewpoint - "A Crime In The Neighbourhood" by Suzanne Berne, "Cat's Eye" my favourite Margaret Atwood, L P Hartley's "The Go-Between" and "To Kill A Mockingbird" by Harper Lee all spring to mind as books I have loved.
22-1-07 Thanks to Alec for reminding me about "Lovely Bones" - a fantastically moving novel in the same category - Alice Sebold.

I am now reading "Alias Grace", one of the last un-read Atwood's in my collection. It's reminiscent of Sarah Waters' "Fingersmith", so far - and that was a brilliant read late last year too. I've yet to read her new book "Nightwatch" set in the second world war, but have heard great reviews.

Issue 2 of Subtext is out, and I read that from cover to cover - better than issue 1 (although quite hard to read sometimes due to the layout/ font) - it stimulated me to think a lot more about trafficking, and I have renewed my membership of Amnesty International on the back of it. It's only £3.50 with no ads - all produced by volunteers. Well worth it.

As far as work goes, I am reading the report of the investigation by the Healthcare Commission into abuse of people with learning disabilities in hospitals and care homes in London (Sutton and Merton) and Hastings - it's distressing and depressing but essential reading. The clear summary here is a quick outline of what went on. I am continually amazed by what humans can do to each other - particularly in the name of "care" - the abuse includes what amounts to imprisonment, torture and violence and would be a total scandal if the report was about children. Because the people affected are adults and find it hard to speak up for themselves, they are ignored by most of us and we allow this appalling treatment to continue. This is the second investigation into abuse of people with learning disabilities in NHS care in the last year - the Cornwall report came out in July 2006 with similar but more serious findings. The clear summary here is a quick outline of what went on in Cornwall - read it - please.

Subtext

issue 2 of Subtext magazine is out - it's only £3.50 with no advertising - get one!!

articles wanted ....

for new feminist e-magazine - Feminist Forum, which will be launched for the 16th anniversary of 16 days of activism, on December 10th 2006.

The theme of the first FF is future of feminism - a lessons learned and now to proceed further.

Mirjana Tejic is a new member of the uk feminist action group on yahoo and she is inviting women to send short articles (2000 - 2500 words) by the 25th November.

Mirjana is a feminist legal researcher from Serbia, Belgrade and is legal representative of Center for prevention of domestic violence. E-mail her on tejic AT eunet DOT yu if you are interested.

they're like buses....

they all come at once!

Since the sad demise of Everywoman (I loved that magazine) there have been no feminist alternative women's magazines except Diva (which is great) which is specifically written by and for lesbians.

So I was really pleased when I read in Travelling Punk's blog that she was keen to start a magazine and wanted others to join her. I got involved a bit, in the early stages, and the result was published a few weeks ago - Subtext.

I was then really suprised to read alongside the review of Subtext on the F-word blog, a review for Uplift! Magazine and another for Vagina Magazine.

Three in one go - that's fantastic as it shows the strength of feeling about the need for something other than the usual "women's lifestyle" mags as they are labelled in supermarkets.

However, I can't help feeling concerned that they may not be sustainable - is there a big enough market for 3? Will they all have enough support to actually produce them?
I hope so, but I am not confident.

I have ordered and now received my copies of all 3. They look very different at first glance. On first impressions Vagina Mag appeals to me the most. I will read them well and get back to you. It'd be great if you would buy them too, and then we can compare opinions...........

best of the best...

I put some comments on the BBC woman's hour site about the Best of the Best Orange Prize winning novels over the last ten years that I have read. You can listen to the debate about having a prize for women only on the woman's hour site.










I have read 5 of the 10 -
Larry's Party - Carol Shields
A Crime in the Neighbourhood - Suzanne Berne
The Idea of Perfection - Kate Grenville
Property - Valerie Martin
Small Island - Andrea Levy
and found it hard to decide which one was my favourite.

I got an email asking me if I would be willing to be recorded talking about the novel I like best.
I chose one and have just been recorded by a really friendly helpful woman named Corinna who put me at ease. My ramblings will be used on woman's hour next week to trail the vote that is coming up in late September - so go onto the website to read about the 10 novels and vote for your favourite! The winner will be announced on the 3rd October.

And listen out for the trails - you might hear me......

pffa

Anyone into poetry - the Poetry Free For All is a great place to read and publish your own writings - either in a Forum for criticism, or in the Pink Palace of Poetitude if you just want to publish and not get comments.

You have to comment to at least three other people's poetry before you can publish and you can only publish one poem per day - fair enough.

Thanks to mattdalby for the link to pffa. Matt's blog is well worth a look.

proper blogging?

I think this is what I understand as proper blogging - what I read of other people's is more stream of consciousness-like blurblings than what I've blogged so far.

Yesterday was my first real day off sick. I went to the doc's on Weds last week at 3pm and got 2 weeks off. I then went shopping in a bit of a daze. On Thursday I had a long sleep-in and then went out shopping again. We went out to a friends for tea that evening. Friday I did more or less the same but with T as it was his day off and then we went to Z's BD get-together in a pub - that was good - I talked to D a lot. We have thought a lot about getting a campervan since going to Scotland and D has one.

We were going to be having our best friend- C's daughter over to stay on Saturday but her Mum was really ill in hospital so we looked after her and her brothers, while S went to visit C. We had another friend over for the evening. On Sunday we went to visit C in hospital and I was distracted - partly by the 70's film of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" with Gene Wilder on the TV in the ward, and partly by nothing at all- just unable to concentrate on C which has never happened before.

I went for a long lunch with P on Monday which I really enjoyed - she is great company. Afterwards I had a counselling session that I was late for due to traffic jams. It was good though. I was reminded that I don't need to try and think things through whilst I'm off - that's what I usually do - that I can "feel" instead if I like. I realised I have been trying to fill my diary with plans for doing things - especially catching up with friends, housework etc. - and that leaves little time for real rest and recuperation. When I got back I cancelled Tuesdays lunch date - with a friend who I used to work with - knowing that seeing her would mean talking and thinking a lot about losing that job that we both did, and would put off the "recuperation". I felt guilty for a second or two, but not as bad as I often do about cancelling people.

So, instead yesterday I slept in again then lay in bed reading for ages - a book about depression. I did the exercises in it - all of them - so you see I just have to "do" and "think"! I worked out that I have mild depression that is short term and the main symptom is fatigue causing lack of concentration - I think of it as stress not depression as it is not long term clinical depression - that's my self-diagnosis anyway!

I gave myself a really painful back though - sitting up in bed. So I took some photos in the garden for a short while and then starting surfing the net again. My Mum called round with a new quilt for us - it's an early Christmas present!

Yesterday evening T took R out somewhere that was obviously very difficult for them both - the old anxieties, sadness, anger and worry came flooding back and I felt unable to help. Two years is not long after someone dies is it? It was 2 years yesterday.....

So - where does this rambling lead us - well today (Wednesday) I have slept in again, spoken to Mum on the phone, and am now writing this.

One of the things that struck me yesterday is that I am splitting myself in two by having two blogs - I decided to have 2 so that this one could be anonymous and I could write stuff I don't want everyone to know is me writing it. The other one is the "public" one. I often don't know which one to write on and it's confusing me. I want to be whole - wow I guess I don't feel whole at the moment - there are things about me that I know people can't deal with and I have been trying to be confident that it's their problem and not mine, but not succeeding.

That's interesting isn't it - that there are things I don't feel confident writing as my real name in case I am judged- I am realistic that people do judge me. In fact - the second post I ever did on this blog got me an offensive comment - something like " I hate you and people like you make me sick, so die!" As you can see I deleted the comment..... That was not a good start but it helped me justify the split! But now I am starting to blog more it's harder to manage.

I had decided this morning to give up having two blogs and just have one, but writing about it now just scares me into keeping them separate. I wanted to be able to blog about stuff that I wouldn't want people I don't know very well to know about me - like this post in fact. How do other people do it? Most people's blogs seem very personal....

Well, at the moment I am going to carry on - I was going to say what my other blog is called but I won't - although anyone who knows me well will work it out - but they are the people that know all this about me anyway. Of course all this assumes anyone is actually reading this at all - if they are not then what is the point? Some feedback would be good I suppose.

time to think and write

I am off work.

It took me 3 weeks to work up to talking to the doctor about it... I just kept pushing myself through the feelings hoping they would go away and worrying about not being at work. I eventually accepted that it would feel uncomfortable and asked the doctor anyway. I was tearful as soon as she asked if I had been feeling tearful!

I am reflecting on life's up and downs, work, myself and how it all fits together. I am also sleeping a lot. I guess I will write some more soon....

first post

I am yclepta and this is my new blog. Big thanks to quiddity for inspiring me to blog too.

I love this cartoon and I think there are some very useful hints on
classy broads